how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
