Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
