U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
