found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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