I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize