my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
