WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
