Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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