Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
