This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
