i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
