i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
