my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
