No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
