Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
