We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
