hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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