Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize