i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
