Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
