a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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