Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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