Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize