i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
