DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
