did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
