His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
