I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
