Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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