So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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