This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
