end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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