If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
