Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
