I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So apparently I’m into choking now
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