where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize