If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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