4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
