i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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