Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
