I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
