2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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