Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
