heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
