she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
