woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sarcasm needs its own font
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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