he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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