woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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