u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
