Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
