I can't watch pbs sober anymore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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