You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
