Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize