She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
