Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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