Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
