Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
