things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
