2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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