Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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