Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
