Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
