I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
