The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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