Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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