hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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