I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
