i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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