i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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