I'm lost and stupid without you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
