i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
