i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
