did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
