Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
