I wish I could teleport
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
