And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
