yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
