if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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