she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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