Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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