I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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