I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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