Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
