just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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