It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
...so i touched it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
