yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
