Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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