Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
