The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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