i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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