Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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