am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
