I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
