The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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