Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
